


Friends Who Slay Together Stay Together

by princessdarthvader



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Feelings of Inadequacy, Gen, Insecurity, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Minor Angst, Minor drug references, Mostly Fluff, growing tension and stress, rly minor angst i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 14:01:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14450787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessdarthvader/pseuds/princessdarthvader
Summary: Logan suggests the sides embark on a Dungeons and Dragons campaign together. Chaos ensues.





	Friends Who Slay Together Stay Together

**Author's Note:**

> I have no words to describe how this happened tbh. I'm doing a campaign with my friends and I realised our party closely resembled the Sanders Sides so made it a thing and??? accidentally wrote almost 6000 words on it because I have no idea what moderation or pacing is and yea thats about it. its possibly OOC at times but in this I will defend my own lack of knowledge about D&D by saying this would be like their first time playing so they mostly hae no clue what they're doing anyway. Alas:

“There was a small, dingy lodge that sat on the darkened street. From the faint glow of torchlight, it was apparent that three diverse creatures huddled around it, reading a sign. Closer inspection would have one note that the sign itself was an issue from the owner, asking for a team of bright and talented individuals to undergo a dangerous mission to find and recover a missing teenager who went missing weeks ago.”  
A forest gnome looks up from the sheet. “Well, howdy everyone. Wanna go on a mission?”

A groan sounded around the table. “You’re meant to be in character,” Roman insisted. “At least be subtle about it!”  
Patton frowned. “I just wanted to make sure we knew exactly what we were doing, is all.”  
Virgil’s gaze rested on his set of dice, which he rolled around in his hands. “I mean, you don’t have to take it so seriously, Roman. We just need to meet up first is all.”  
Roman rolled his eyes.  
“Can we just get on with it?” Logan asked, flipping through a few pages in his book.  
The others nodded and agreed.

The smallest of the bunch, a halfling with short black hair, looked up at him. “And split the reward money? Why would I?”  
“Because it needs to be a team, dimwit,” the tallest of them, an elf, insisted. “How are you supposed to do a full team’s mission all by yourself.”  
The forest gnome frowned. “Well, hey, there’s no need to be rude. I’m sure Virgil just didn’t read the sign properly.”

Logan groaned. “Virgil isn’t in the game, Patton.”  
“Then what do I call him?” Patton asked curiously. “What’s your character’s name?”  
Virgil snickered. “Ask in character,” he remarked, and Patton nodded, wide eyed.

“I mean… I’m sure… this halfling just didn’t read the sign properly?” The forest gnome corrected himself uncertainly. “What is your name, by the way?”  
The halfling, or, Virgil, smirked. “Why should I tell you?”  
“Because they need to know your name, Virgil,” Logan butted in with a sigh.  
Virgil scowled. “What? Is it so unbelievable that he would keep his name to himself?”  
“It’s not you, Virgil,” Logan sighed, exacerbated. “At least give them something to call you.”  
“Fine. Call me Bingo GreenWeed” he replied.  
“Are you even taking this seriously?,” Roman sighed, looking to Logan, his eyebrow quirking.. “Is that his real name?”  
“All real, baby,” Virgil smirked. “Ain’t that right, Logan? Born and raised from his mother’s womb with the name Bingo GreenWeed.”  
Roman groaned, and Logan furrowed his brows, not understanding the problem.  
“The name follows the conventions of halfling names. I don’t understand why it’s a problem?” Logan asked, peering out from over the handbook.  
“What? Like your name will be so much better?” Virgil challenged, ignoring Logan’s interjection.  
The elf smirked proudly. “Drusilia Quarion Amastasia the Third,” she replied, pleased. “Pleasure to be at your service.”  
Bingo scoffed. “The Third?” He raised an eyebrow. “A whole family of Drizzle Quadrant, then. Look, can I just call you Drew?”  
“Drusilia Quarion Amastacia,” she repeated, her voice stern. “The third.”  
“Okay, great,” Bingo resigned. “We have Bingo, Drusilia, I guess, and…?” He looked to the forest gnome.  
“Bambimble T. Wigglesworth!” They exclaimed excitedly. “Or, Bambi, for short.”  
Drew and Bingo looked at each other. “Bambimble?” Drusilia asked, sounding astoundingly like Roman.  
Bambi beamed widely at them. “Yep!” They cheered.  
“What does the T stand for?” Bingo asked.  
“Nothing!” Bambi replied. “Anyways, would you folks like to adventure with me? I’m on the search for a new cat, since my last one seems to have gone missing. Her name was Sir Squiggles, The Brave, and while I respect her right to move through life untethered by my personal wants, I desperately crave the company of another wonderful pet to fill the hole in my heart that Squiggles once fit into.”  
Roman and Virgil, this time, looked at each other, then to Patton. The latter seemed to have truly sucked the character in, and looked like he was about to cry. Virgil watched a smile develop over Roman’s face.  
“Sir Squiggles The Brave, you say?” Drusilia asked. “As in the Sir Squiggles who bravely slew a dragon among the knights mere months ago?”

Patton’s face lit up with pure delight.  
“Roll deception,” Logan remarked.  
Roman rolled the die, the side marked ’19’ facing upwards into the sky.  
Logan glanced at Patton, who seemed somewhat put out at the reveal that this was a lie. Patton rolled a die, which landed on three, and looked to Logan.  
“Well, Bambimble believes you. Continue,” Logan marked something down as Roman and Patton continued.

Bambi’s face lit up with pure delight. “You know her!?”  
Drusilia grinned. “I have my connections. Oh, but alas! She is well! You must visit her some day! I am on the best of terms with the knights! You must be the friend she speaks very highly of!”  
She rested a hand of Bambimble’s back and leads him into the tavern. “Are you coming, CDXX?”

“I’m sorry?” Virgil scoffed, following after them. “What did you call him?”  
“420 in Roman numerals, since I assume the arabic numerical system doesn’t exist in this world,” Roman looked to Logan. “And since, well, everyone knows that the Roman numerical system is vastly superior to any others.”  
“That’s a pun,” Virgil interjected snidely, watching Patton’s overjoyed reaction.  
Logan looked about ready to burst. “I mean, they don’t use either, but that hardly matters, I suppose. It’s just the rules and all, which are kind of important, but sure, whatever.” He eventually exclaimed. “You’ve moved into the tavern. Let’s just… proceed.”

Their session continued into the night, with similar hijinks consistently throughout. Their mission was simple: find the missing human teenager, return him to his parents, and collect the reward money. It was almost remarkable how many twists and turns they’d managed to take. Logan was tearing his hair out trying to keep up with where they were.  
"Booyah!" Virgil beamed, as Logan informed him that the goblin died. "Another kill for my little dude!"  
"Look at him Bin-GO!" Patton exclaimed with a grin. "That was in character, by the way."  
Virgil laughed, and Patton noticed him looking around the table for a moment before stopping his laughter abruptly.  
Logan nodded. "What do you do?"  
“We abandon the goblin body and head towards where it told us the diadem was,” Roman insisted. They’d spent days travelling through the forest, in search for a diadem which once belonged to the Innkeeper in The Hare’s Hair tavern, who would offer them information as to the whereabouts of the entrance to the Eldritch Elder’s cave, which was where the boy was last seen.  
“You trust that thing?” Virgil, or perhaps it was Bingo. Logan had lost track of which voice was Virgil’s, and which was his rendition of a distractible and grumpy halfling.  
“I just want to get out of this blasted forest,” Drusilia declared, her vocal timbre reaching a drama that not even Roman could achieve had he been speaking of his own accord. “My cloak is torn, and my dress is dirty, and I cannot for the life of me stand another day fighting useless creatures for the only benefit of levelling up and up and up! I can’t believe I agreed to join you in this mission.”  
“Slow down there, drama queen,” Bingo insisted, hanging back with Bambi and keeping a lookout on the road ahead.  
Bambi just pet her on the shoulder. “We’ll be home soon,” they insisted. Their hands were still dirty from burying the owlbear Bingo had killed a few miles back, but they didn’t seem to mind. They weren’t a fan of violence. Particularly when it was against creatures who were merely defending their territory. But Bingo had decided to fight when the creature had swiped at Drusilia.  
Or, Virgil would insist “It’s part of the game, Patton,” as he lay the final blow on the defenceless beast. And Roman would agree. And Patton supposed it was. But had still elected to take the time to give it a proper burial, like it deserved.  
“Logan, status report?” Roman asked as Drusilia trudged through the forest, not bothering to worry about her eclectic collection of hesitant friends.  
Logan read over some notes. “Drusilia, roughly thirty feet ahead of the rest of the party, finds the pathway ahead of her open up into a large clearing. In the middle of the clearing is a small cottage. The outsides are draped with parthenocissus quinquefolia.”  
“Try again,” Virgil interrupted, earning a small scowl from Logan.  
“The outsides are draped with creeper vines, and the tiles in thick moss.” Logan repeated. “There seems to be no one home.”  
“Drusilia breaks open the door with a swift kick,” Roman blurted easily.  
Virgil scowled. “Ask us before being an idiot,” he hissed.  
“Roll strength,” Logan replied in a monotone.  
Roman rolled a 16, and Drusilia proceeded to, in Logan’s words “Kick the door off its darn hinges and break it in half, leaving merely a broken mess of wood in its wake.”

“Roman!” Virgil shrieked. “We’re supposed to plan and be cool and collected. You’re supposed to be our leader in this campaign.”  
Roman rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, Drusilia is impatient and Logan said there didn’t seem to be anyone home.”  
“We’re both thirty feet behind you. If you get into a fight, you’re going to die!”  
Roman scoffed. “Uh, I think Drusilia Quarion Amastacia the Third can hold her own, thank you very much,” he humphed.  
“Except that she can’t,” Virgil sighed. “You’re a bard, Roman. Your fighting skills aren’t great, but hey, you’ve got a lot of charisma. I guess you’ll just charm whoever’s house you just broke into!” He huffed out a breath. “And I mean quite literally broke into.”  
“It’s about teamwork, bucko,” Patton interjected. “We could’ve knocked, or made some stealth plan. Virgil, don’t you have like, a ton of stealth?”  
Virgil nodded. “Bingo is decked out in stealth.”  
“And Drusilia has a whole lot of strength that she never gets to use, because we keep finding useless dexterity weapons!”  
Virgil rolled his eyes. “Not my fault,” he insisted.  
“Anyway,” Logan cried loudly, trying to be heard above their bickering. “No one’s home. The house is clean and empty, as though someone still lives there, and books are scattered around the room in varying lengths and subjects. In the corner of the room, there is a chest. The kitchen hold a dozen sets of drawers.”  
“I go to that damn chest.”

Before the others could even catch up to Drusilia from their spot behind the infuriating elf, Drusilia had broken into the chest, revealing, finally, a shining silver diadem.  
“Drusilia places the diadem on her head,” Roman insisted.  
Logan shrugged. “Okay,” he replied. “Drusilia places the diadem on her head, not checking it first, and feels a shifting under her skin. She’s changing, slowly but surely.”  
“WHAT!?” Roman shouts, earning a small flinch from Virgil, that is eventually replaced with a shaking laughter. “What do you mean changing?”  
“Where you once had a clear, youthful face, you know have wrinkles and age spots. Your perfectly sculpted body shifts. You back hunches, your feet grow uncomfortably in your shoes. Your nose and ears grow bigger. You feel your face shift, elongating into hideous proportions. Your hair falls limp and damaged by your side.” Logan lists off, Roman’s betrayal and offence growing with each word.  
“I’m ugly!?” Drusilia, and Roman, screeched. “How could you?”  
“Hey, I’m just reading off the campaign guide. You’re the one who decided to put on a mysterious diadem without even checking for arcana, you injudicious ignoramus,” Logan shot back. “You now take disadvantage on charisma rolls.”  
“Why charisma?” Roman insisted. “She’s a bard!”  
Virgil wiped tears of laughter from his eyeshadow. “The curse of ugly,” he laughed. “Welcome to my world, your highness.”

Roman’s frustration with the game grew quickly after that. Every failed roll, every time Drusilia was knocked prone, every fight they got into, Roman’s frustration grew tenth fold. Watching Virgil boast about the fights his character was winning didn’t help the matter, either.  
It got worse when they realised that they couldn’t take the diadem off. It had rooted itself to Drusilia’s head, which not only meant that the curse couldn’t be reversed, but prevented the game from counting until they figure out what to do.  
“Is there anyone in town who may be able to help?” Bambi asked the innkeeper after some painful struggles to tug the diadem off Drusilia’s head (which ultimately just succeeded in losing two hit points for the disgruntled bard.  
The innkeeper thought for a moment. “An apple farmer lives on the outskirts of the village. He is a powerful sorcerer, and may have suggestions as to how to reverse this curse,” she explained. “I wish you good luck in your pursuits.”  
“How long do you reckon its gonna take us to reverse this god damn curse?” Virgil asked, a sneer lightly lacing his words.  
Logan shrugged. “Well, that depends on Roman’s ability to concede with what the sorcerer says, really.”  
Roman made a small noise of indignation.  
“I hope it’s soon!” Patton replied. “That poor boy must be so scared. How long has it been?”  
“Two weeks, five days and thirteen hours,” Logan replied. “It’s currently 4:15pm. You’ll need to take a long rest soon.”  
Virgil glanced up. “The kid’s probably dead by now,” he muttered.  
“Virgil,” Patton scolded, but Virgil paid him no mind.  
“How messed up would that be? We finally find the cave entrance, go through the whole thing, fight the final boss, or whatever, and in the dungeon is just this dead kid, who probably starved because we took too long because our bard can’t check to see if things are safe before rushing into them.”  
Logan looked between the group. “Are you…?”  
Virgil scowled. “Let’s just get on with it.”  
Patton and Logan exchanged a look as the gloomy side seemed to deflate, and the fanciful side’s irritation grew.  
“Maybe we should take a break,” Patton suggested after a moment of silence as Logan tried to find where they were. “You know, get some rest, have something to eat, pet a dog, and reconvene tomorrow?”  
“We don’t need to eat or sleep,” Roman replied. “You know that as well as any of us do.”  
Patton shrugged. “Sometimes it’s just… a good idea to take a break, you know. So we… don’t get on each others’ nerves too much.”  
He laughed uncomfortably, but it did nothing to alleviate the tension.  
Logan nodded. “I do believe that it would be… beneficial for us to… take a breather, as you may say,” he looked around. “While I certainly cannot speak for all of us, it has been a long day, and the introverts among us may be… how can I say… reaching our social limits.”  
Virgil didn’t need any more convincing. He ducked out at as soon as Logan suggested it. They heard music from his room a few moments later.  
Roman slumped and groaned. "Great, so Moody Garland bailed, I guess," he growled. "So there goes this game, because as we've been told a thousand times, there's only one fighter in this party, and it's not a bard!"  
"Are... are you jealous?" Patton asked hesitantly after a moment.  
Roman's fist clenched. "What, jealous of Grumbo The Elephant's dumb character stealing all the spotlight and killing everything even though I'm meant to be the one who fights bad guys since I'm, y'know, the prince and deserve some respect?" He grumbled. "Of course not."  
"You're upset because your character wasn't designed to be a fighter?" Logan asked, looking to Patton. "You are aware you designed her yourself, correct?"  
Roman scowled. "Obviously, I'm aware," he hissed back. "I wanted to be a bard, y’know for the glory and the glamour and stuff, but like, she's strong, too."  
“A well-rounded individual,” Patton nodded. “Of course she’s strong. Did we ever make you feel like she wasn’t strong?”  
Roman groaned. “Not that she wasn’t strong,” he whined. “Just that, well, that strength is unnecessary when it comes to fighting monsters, which is the entire point of the game.”  
“Aw, Roman!” Patton exclaimed. “We made you feel unappreciated! But your monster fighting skills are wonderful and anyone who says otherwise is wrong!”  
The sides of Roman’s lips quirked up slightly. “Then how come Bingo keeps killing all the monsters and getting all the praise and glory for it?” He proclaimed. “I’m the Prince! And the creative one! Mopey Dick over there never defeats villains.”  
He saw Patton raise an eyebrow in confusion at the nickname, and go to speak, but was cut off by Logan.  
Logan shook his head. “Actually, I believe you’re envisioning the game incorrectly as a whole,” he remarked. “While it is… well, understandable for you to believe the purpose of the game is extirpating enemies and vanquishing villains-”  
“Strong alliteration,” Roman added, aside.  
“Thank you,” Logan replied. “- But you completely fail to realise there are multiple sides of this game that make it intriguing and… invigorating for the mind.”  
The fanciful side glanced at him. “What do you mean?”  
“Well, personally I find that much of the game’s focus is actually catered around problem solving, mathematics, and intellectual thinking. Sure, you can kill all the enemies, but is it not far more fulfilling to, say, talk your way out of a problem, or use your spells and cantrips to find more intelligent ways of avoiding conflict?”  
“I… suppose so, I just think-”  
“Teamwork!” Patton exclaimed suddenly, cutting off Roman.  
“Teamwork?” Roman replied. “Why the… outburst?”  
Patton took a deep breath. “Well like, that’s what I really like about it. Like, the four of us butt heads a lot, which is upsetting but is how things work, I suppose. But we’re doing this and it is making us work as a team to make decisions and have ideas. Even Virgil is participating!”  
And he looked around for a moment before remembering. “Well, was participating, but the point still stands. Our little buddies are just smaller versions of ourselves and when we all use our talents together the game functions better than ever,” he beamed slightly. “And even if sometimes we get… a little carried away before putting our heads together and coming up with a plan, just… spending time with you all is so much fun.”  
Roman pondered for a moment. “So, vanquishing our enemies is not… the aim of the game?”  
“Well no,” Logan replied. “Plenty of people play in ways that minimise the… vanquishing of enemies entirely. By charming, seducing or engaging with enemies, all of which are things that tend to sway toward the way of the bard, you can gain even more idealistic responses, since people who are alive have more information to offer than those who are dead.”  
“Yes,” Roman nodded. “I think I get it now,” he exclaimed. “This curse, despite not being ideal, will be lifted and I, regaining my bardic charisma and my natural leadership tendencies in all their glory, will lead our party to the finish line, bold, strong, and undeniably fabulous!”  
“And I thought Thomas was gay,” remarked a familiar snide voice from the other side of the room.  
Roman looked up, alert at the sudden appearance of another side. “Virgil!” He proclaimed. “We were… just…”  
“Yes, I heard,” the anxious side replied. “Just regular old Mopey Dick over here, doing my thing.”  
Roman chewed his lip. “Oh, you heard that, huh?”  
Virgil nodded, and leant back where he sat. “I gotta say, though, I didn’t take you for one to be jealous of how kickass Bingo Greenweed is.”  
Roman paused for a moment before sighing. It was obvious, even to him, that Virgil was drawing away. He was quiet, resigned. One small step from flying off the handle. “Bingo just can’t handle Drusilia’s A-Game,” he replied. “She’s out there killing the looks game, curse and all, and he’s just killing the crooks game. Boring, straightforward.”  
Virgil laughed slightly. “Yeah I guess playing the game is a little boring and straightforward,” he replied. “I…”  
He stopped, not quite bringing himself to finish the thought. The others looked at him expectantly.  
“You?” Roman asked, and Virgil shied away from the attention, drawing himself further into his hoodie.  
Logan peered over. “If you’re not enjoying the game, I’m sure the others won’t mind if we switch it for something we all can enjoy. I will admit, I feel I may have failed to touch on your interests in the decision for Dungeons and Dragons.”  
“No, it’s not that!” Virgil insisted. “I like the game. It’s - I… Uh, I…”  
He blushed pink and looked as though he was holding his breath.  
“Kiddo?” Patton asked, his voice laced with concern.  
“I guess I finally felt like I had a valuable position in the team!” He exclaimed, looking around suspiciously as soon as he had. His eyes squinted shut. “I know its stupid, because they’re… not even us, technically, like they’re just little imagined characters… But I was doing the thing I was meant to do. Killing the bad guys. And… well, you were supporting me.”  
Patton gasped, looking like he was on the verge on tears. “Kiddo!” he exclaimed. “You don’t have to prove yourself!”  
Virgil looked down. "You guys were all complimenting me. I was a good guy. Roman... wasn't. I don’t know. It felt like I belonged."  
He looked away shyly. “Sorry I made our royal highness feel unappreciated, I guess. I didn’t really think he... could?”  
“You weren’t aware that Roman’s feelings were able to be hurt?” Logan asked. “Then what is he point of your... insults, and such?”  
Virgil shrugged. “I don’t know,” he looked to Roman. “You just looked so confident all the time. Why would you ever feel unappreciated? You’re Thomas’ creativity. I assumed your... Gait and your royal tendencies would imply that you kind of... never got upset by things. You’re that stupid kind of arrogant.”  
“Well that’s exactly what we were talking about but I’ll let that slide,” Roman mumbled, rolling his eyes. “After all, I can hardly blame you for lashing out when you see something so unexplainable... so perfect that you can barely stand to be near him.” He grinned, immediately shifting back into his Princely persona. Virgil rolled his eyes and fake gagged from where he sat.  
“So have you guys... sorted that out?” Logan asked. “I don’t understand what happened. You just... insulted each other again.”  
Patton’s eyes shone. “Look at this! Sorting out issues! Resolving friendships! I’m so proud of you!”  
“Hey, we solved nothing here,” Roman replied. “Virgil is just jealous of my beauty.”  
“Yeah, sure,” Virgil replied. “If Patton told you that, remember he’s obligated to not break your feelings.”  
Roman flicked his hair back. “Oh my apologies. I couldn’t hear you. I don’t make a habit of dwelling on the H-8-Ers.”  
“You’re a frickin’ loser,” Virgil turned away in defeat, a phantom laugh resting on his lips.

A small amount of time had passed by the time they were able to get their game back together. Logan recounted the events leading up to where they had left off.  
“So, your next destination, if you don’t choose to undergo a side quest, is the wizard you were told about,” he recounted. “You should probably approach him with tact and grace, as he is immensely powerful, and likely wouldn’t take kindly to a band of potential thieves invading his property.”  
Roman paused for a moment, looking up at the others around the table, to Virgil’s obvious relief. “So, what should we do?”  
“Sneak in through the back window?” Virgil suggested. “Get the surprise attack on him and take him out and force him to give us answers?”  
Roman shrugged. “Or we could try to create a distraction of some sort - maybe Bambi could turn into an animal of some sort and pretend to be injured and we could pretend to be beggars and ask for help?”  
“Two great ideas,” Patton interceded. “Although, I must say I should probably present the other alternative: we, get this, knock on the door and ask for help.”  
Virgil furrowed his brows. “Do you really think he’d help us?”  
“Can’t hurt to try,” Patton smiled slightly. “NPCs are usually friendly unless you give them a reason to, right, Logan?”  
“Affirmative.”  
Patton smiled encouragingly. “Although, if you really want to try your ways, I’d be happy to give them a go.”  
Roman and Virgil shared a glance, before Virgil nodded curtly.  
“We… approach the door, and knock,” Roman responded.  
Logan turned to his book. “Inside the house, you hear the creaking of old floorboards and footsteps approaching the door. A few seconds later, the door opens and a raggedy, old half elf stands before you. He looks between the three members of your party, smoking a pipe. ‘Who is it?’”  
Roman and Virgil looked to Patton, who seemed oblivious to their expectant gaze.  
“We are a humble band of travellers,” Bambi replied. “I am Bambimble, although many just call me Bambi, and these are my good friends, Drusilia and Bingo. We come seeking answers from you, O Wise and Powerful One.”  
The wizard looked them over and, after a moment, shrugged. “Very well. Enter. You appear to have travelled great lengths to be here today. Let me make you feel welcome.”  
Bingo glanced up at Bambi, who smiled in reply as the three of them were ushered inside.  
“Tell me what plagues you,” the wizard finally asked, having provided the three with tea and bread.  
There was a small pause before Drusilia spoke. “We, or… I have encountered a curse, which I truly wish to suffer from no longer.”  
“What is the curse?” The wizard asked.  
Drusilia gasped. “Can’t you tell? I’m utterly hideous!”  
The wizard glanced over. “My sight is not as it once was, alas. Can you explain to me the circumstances of the curse? I may perhaps know the origins.”  
“A diadem,” Bingo replied. “It once belonged to the.. Innkeeper? I can’t remember her name, but anyway, someone yoinked it and hid it in the forest for some reason. When Drusilia put it on, she changed into, well, herself but uglier.”  
The wizard nodded. “Alas. It is so. The curse’s origins date back to many years. A banished queen cursed her diadem to inflict those who wear it with their greatest fear,” he explained. “Once attained, the curse’s only end is if those cursed offer the banished queen who haunts the diadem something she truly desires.”

Roman glanced up at the others. “Okay, I know we’ve been over this, but can I please try something?”  
“Something?” Virgil asked uncertainly. “What if you end up bonus cursed?”  
“Just trust me,” Roman advised. “Patton? Can I give my idea a try?”  
Patton frowned for a moment. “I think that’s up to Virgil at this point,” he replied. “Keeping us all safe and uncursed is his job.”  
Roman let his eyes grow wide and desperate. Virgil noted with disaster how much he looked like Patton when he did puppy-dog eyes. “Virgil? Please?”  
“Ugh fine,” Virgil eventually responded. “Do what you want. If you die, its not my problem.”  
“Fabulous!” Roman replied enthusiastically.

Drusilia smiled. “Hey, ghost-y ghost. Come out and play. It’s me, the one you haunted!”  
Bingo’s eyes were wide, and Bambi’s were shining with excitement. Logan’s face twisted into one of surprise for a moment.  
“Oh… uhm… A grey, translucent woman appears before you. She wears long, elegant robes from a time period aesthetically similar to, I’d say 1300’s upper class stylistically, though far more modern in fit and cut.”  
“Nerd,” Virgil coughed, earning a scowl from the dungeon master.  
“Yes, regardless. She appears before you, a menacing smile etched upon her pale face, and she looks to you with cold, dead eyes. ‘What is it you desire?’”  
Drusilia smirked. “Hey, come here often?”  
Virgil almost choked on his own laughter. The ghost’s face fell. “Well, no, obviously not,” she replied. “Since I was literally just summoned for the first time in 200 years.”  
“Well hey, you’re lifting my spirits already,” Drusilia replied with a wink. “I feel like I’ve seen you before… But maybe you were just haunting my dreams.” Her eye twinkled.  
The ghost looked confused. “What… is…?”  
“Oh! You two would make the most BOO-tiful couple!” Bambi added.  
“Oh goodness, are you flirting with the ghost?” The ghost - no, Logan - asked.  
Roman beamed proudly. “Indeed I am, my good sir.”  
“And what’s the point of that?” Logan sighed in exasperation.  
“Drusilia was told to give the ghost something she desired,” Roman explained, as though it were obvious. “What ancient ghost wouldn’t desire such a fair maiden of noble blood?”  
Logan thought for a moment. “Roll persuasion?”  
Roman nodded and began to shake a D20 in his hand. “On it.”  
“With disadvantage, since you’re technically still cursed,” Logan added.  
Roman looked dejected for a moment but perked up. “Okey doke, boss.”  
He rolled. “Nat 20!” He exclaimed joyously after his first roll landed on the high score. He looked up for a second before remembering his curse. “Oh, right.”  
He picked up the die again and rolled it in his hands for a moment, before sending it onto the sheet.  
“13,” Virgil read. “Logan?”  
“Wait!” Roman exclaimed. “I have a skill bonus of 7 on charisma, with or without my curse. 20. How ‘bout it? Do I get some sweet ghost butterfly kisses tonight?”  
Logan looked just about ready to retire from life.  
“The ghost… blushes deeply. ‘Well aren’t you a sweet little thing?’ she asks, flicking hair out of her face and… how is one supposed to respond to flirting?”  
“You’re doing great!” Patton insisted.  
“Now I’d usually keep my heart locked up safe and strong,” Drusilia led. “But I guess you’re on a polter-heist tonight, aren’t you, fair maiden? What might I call you?”  
Logan looked all sorts of uncomfortable at the situation he was being forced to mediate, and Virgil and Patton were cackling from their seats. Of course Roman would flirt with the ghost.  
It was at that moment the world around them changed, and they were suddenly in a different version of the living room. Thomas stood in the middle, utterly confounded by the scene in front of him.  
“You guys… all appeared at the same time?” Thomas asked, uncertain. “And is Virgil laughing?”  
Virgil coughed and leant back in his usual seat, pulling his hoodie over his face to hide the laughter. “Sorry. No I’m not.”  
Logan’s face lit up. “Thomas, I need your help it’s an emergency!”  
Thomas’ confusion melted away with panic for a moment and he looked at Virgil in defeat, who shrugged. “What is it? What’s going on? Am I dying?”  
“Woah. No? Virgil, stop that.” Logan looked over at the gloomy side. “I need you to pretend to be an ancient ghost lady being flirted with by a high-elf bard of noble blood. I can’t do it, and these guys are offering no help whatsoever.”  
Thomas was utterly lost. “A… half… bard? Ghost? What?” The cogs in his brain turned. “Oh… heavens. Are you playing Dungeons and Dragons?”  
“Of course we are, Thomas,” Logan replied nonchalantly. “Keep up. Anyway, I am quite unable to respond to flirting as my ghostly counterpart. You, however, would be more natural when dealing with this.”  
“Me?” Thomas raised an eyebrow. “I’m not good at responding to flirting. I have social anxiety!”  
“Yo,” Virgil waved. “Not gonna lie, I feel like when it’s in a game, its probably less of an issue.”  
Thomas cocked his head to the side. “Oh. Okay,” he shrugged. “I was gonna… ask for help on a thing but I… I guess we have time. Who am I flirting with?”  
And suddenly the five of them were transported back into the mindspace, each in their own respective corners. “Thomas, you’re a ghost who’s been summoned by Roman, or Drusilia, whom you have cursed to be ugly lest she give you something you desire,” Logan recounted.  
“Drusilia has, in turn, decided that the thing you desire is herself. You believe her,” Virgil finished. “She just asked you what your name was.”  
Thomas nodded. “Oh, great. What’s my name?”  
“Ravenna Dundragon,” Logan replied. “And: go!”  
“Ravenna Dundragon!” Thomas repeated in a silly high pitched voice. “And what, pray tell, is your name, kind stranger?”  
Roman smiled. “Drusilia Quarion Amastacia III. My friends call me Drew.”  
“You specifically said we-” Bingo cried out in response but his words were smothered by Bambi who cupped a hand over his mouth.  
“My lady!” Ravenna cried. “I have never known another with such charm and grace as yours!”  
Drusilia held a hand out. “Say, my queen. How’s about you release this curse over my physical body, and we ride off into the sunset in each others’ arms?”  
“Of course!” Ravenna replied. “It will be but a moment!”  
The diadem on Drusilia’s head quivered and a wave of magic washed over her body, changing her features back to her usual self.  
Drusilia turned to the others. “Did you miss me?”

Within minutes, the four of them were on their way, pockets full of apples and stomachs full of bread and tea (and love), to return the diadem to the Innkeeper and finally rescue the teenager from his underground prison.  
Ravenna and Drusilia were happily hand in hand as Ravenna’s ghostly form hovered inches above the ground. Bingo was scouting around the edges, and Bambi stopped all of a sudden in horror - no, surprise.  
Ahead of them was a panther. It stalked through the forest, uncaring of who saw it.  
“Logan let me pet the kitty. Let me pet it please!” Bambi, or possibly Patton, begged.  
“Animal Handling check?”  
Patton rolled. “12?” he asked, looking somewhat disappointed by the roll.  
Logan deliberated for a moment. “You know what? Yeah. You go up to that panther and pet it so good.”  
Bingo watched as they approached the wild creature, unsure of what to do. As they reached out towards it, he gripped his bow tightly, ready to respond if the need be.  
But Bambi stepped away from the creature happily, and it nuzzled against their arm.  
“I think he likes you!” Drusilia exclaimed from behind them. “Looks like we’re all finding love today!”  
Bingo scowled but edged closer to the panther. “Just be careful.”  
Bambi glanced up at him. “Hey, look. There’s no need to be afraid. He’s just a big ol’ sweetie.” His face lit up as he gasped dramatically. “Wait Logan, Logan! Loooogan!”  
“I’m right here.”  
“Can we keep it?” he asked. “It’s just a big kitty. He can protect us and we’ll love him and cherish him.”

And, since not even Logan could say no to Patton, the party continued, a barely domesticated panther and a supernatural apparition among them, happily heading out to complete their rescue.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this was and congrats if you made it to the end. i hope it (mostly) made sense at least. anyways,


End file.
